Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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