Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
