i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize