you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
