so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Pants are for mortals
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My feet surprised me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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