Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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