well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
