I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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