my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
