I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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