2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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