If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
