it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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