I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
