So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
