wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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