My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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