if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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