Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
