Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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