my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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