There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
