you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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