Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
