i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
