He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode