Who did Billy Mays play for?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?