apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.