You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
