I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are