After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.