Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
