grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
