So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
