I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
