4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
