I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
