I wish I only lived at night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
