ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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