just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bring me that man meat
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
