I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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