Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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