he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
