I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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