She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
