i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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