oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
