Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
