Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
