At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm really busy with my period
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