Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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