I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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