someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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