when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
