Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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