Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
