:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
