Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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