a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do vagina's smell?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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