i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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