Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
