Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
