Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
