I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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