What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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