just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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