did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
