marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
try to milk me bitch
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