I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
