She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
