I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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