And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
