And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
