I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
Your penis caused this!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
