I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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