I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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