dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
