So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
