glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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You. Win. At. Life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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