Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize