The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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