Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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