bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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